It's ALL about "the story!"

My life has not been all doom and gloom.  In fact, I love taking life's heavy moments such as this one, and I find a way to turn it into a comic relief story, or at least bring add a bit of sarcasm to draw emphasis of potentially life saving events, spared by a menopausal woman who is battling a few other things.  Humor has been one of the greatest coping skills I've been blessed to have, since I was young.  Corkey, crazy, life's already too heavy, sense of humor (Pity the person who does not have one).   

If you're reading this blog,  perhaps you don't know me personally.  However, something silly to know, I can NOT repeat a single joke successfully (you'd truly roll your eyes if you ever heard me attempt to retell a simple joke, only to botch it up and ruin it's content), ,......but, I CAN tell adventurous stories that will lift many of life's heavy issues, by ensuring other's that we ARE gonna make it in this messed up, and very broken world.  I confess, I've been quite tempted to turn my head and offer up "the other cheek" or at least 'pretend' to offer that other cheek.....and it go something like this...... The infamous Road Runner cartoon character

who, is always being chased by the 'never relenting,' While E. Coyote.........As the Coyote keeps on and on and on, like many situations I've encountered......the road runner simply steps aside right when While E Coyote appears to have caught the road runner.  I, however, have battled temptation to just "shove 'em" (whoever is riding my last nerve) right over the edge of the very exhausting cliff, called 'conflicts,' I never wanted to climb in the first place.
(Try and keep that in mind if your temperament is that of a coyote and you dare battle a menopausal road runner ;) ).

Allow me to walk you through the initial journey of my detailed road that flew me to the front row 'harbor view,' of Edmonds, Washington.  

                                                            "Buckle up," please.

     

*AHEM

Once upon a time, in a far, far, far away land...........................................*finger snap* 

.............This is No fairy tale story!  But as my beautiful and very sweet little grand daughter Nora says, "Everyone's a princess," this cliff climbing story must go on.....

Google search engine results

Thinking "Google" has been the greatest invention, typing in  "faith based treatment center" proved slim pickin's for what this search engine was familiar with.  

However, this particular treatment center seemed to offer the quality of care I was seeking in regards to therapy, classes that would provide new coping skills, and the ability to live life with opportunity to focus solely on moving forward as well as continue living as a responsible adult who just happened to be caught in an emotional rut.  This treatment facility was not a hospital, but was more like a small community college campus with living quarters that were more like sorority homes (if you will).   

Of course there were a few boundaries which corresponded to each participants focused treatment; including: no TV, cell phones, or internet access within our living quarters.  Welcomed peace and  quiet I so looked forward to for the following few weeks to come.

Only after signing treatment authorizations, medical history, yada yada, yada, including paperwork that seemed like my 'whole life' was getting signed away, did I realize how peculiar it was to be funding an astronomical amount of money to a facility and not ask for signatures of my own "contractual needs" I personally had.  
Frankly, I learned quite awhile ago, how moody I can quickly become when sweat begins to drip down my face.  With menopause breathing hot air down my neck and back, I began spewing them out to the lady on the other end of the phone with emphasis on a couple "non-negotiable's" prior to booking my flight.    

        Request #1........The MOST important of ALL requests......I needed a room/roommate who preferred cooler temps when sleeping at night.  I'm a woman gets quite cranky when I'm hot and it would not serve productive for me or any treatment if I was not able to sleep comfortably at night.  I HIGHLY stressed this ONE as the Most specific need due to hot flashes and menopausal night sweats that are beyond my control.  It's a deal breaker in a job, my home, or anywhere I may be; as it also determines how long I can fairly function once I begin to overheat (just ask every friend or close family member of mine)....this was NON-NEGOTIABLE!    I see every one of my friends and family nodding in agreement as they read this because they know me best, and freeze every time they visit....thankfully I keep blankies in my home to accommodate their need to be warm.

          Request #2.........the administration lady, although she laughed at my request, verbally agree'd just as I led into my next request... Coffee, a coffee pot, and the ability to purchase my own special flavored Coffeemate creamer, and the ability to make coffee in the early morning, when I wake up.

These may seem like silly requests to some readers, but without a great start to my day which comes in the form of a yummy cup of coffee/quiet time, along with a good nights sleep that can only occur with fresh air blowing in from a cracked bedroom window, there just wasn't any sense in seeking treatment.   I would surely fail in any attempts at learning new skills.

Thankfully, Seattle is Coffee Country and this treatment center had the BEST coffee machine anyone would ever want to own.

Waiting room with magical coffee making machine smack dab in the middle.

So far, my initial experience was going well, with the exception of all the tears cried each time I shared with one therapist after the next after the next, why I came to this treatment center.   I felt hopeful and eager to learn new coping skills in the days to come.

After classes, I stepped outside the treatment center and as I began the four block walk to the living quarters I was assigned, THIS was my spectacular view that would accompany me.   Now, Of course I did not have my cell phone to take this specific picture on that first day.......but don't you ponder that thought for very long... I promise, I'll get to it. :-)

If any of you have been to the Seattle area, the views are spectacular!!!!  The air is the cleanest air to breath, and the people?  Well, they're all in a rush to get wherever they are in a hurry to get, and honk to ensure the surrounding folks are aware.  

Let me add note to my readers: I challenge you to set your phone aside for one week.  One simple week, shut it down and set it aside..... see just how sensitive you become during that week, to all the sounds around you.  You will notice things you've been overlooking for far too long.  You'll enjoy the family that is so very important to you, that has been so easily interrupted by your personal phone, or theirs.  

(Just a challenge...and a quite freeing one)

Thankfully, I had the old Ipod which doesn't connect to the internet, and therefore, I was allowed to keep it with me.  With fabulous praise and worship music tuning out the rest of the world, I soaked up this first walk down the street overlooking this majestic view of the Olympic Mountains.  I praised God in my heart, for a chance to seek solace, and refreshment for my soul...........music playing in my ears......."I look up to the mountains, Does my strength come from the mountains, NO, my strength comes from God, Who made heaven and earth, and the mountains...........my  help comes from You, You're right here pulling me through, You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulder's, Your shoulder's"......(music from the song: 'Shoulders' by King and Country)
Soothing music, beautiful view.....all the way to the door of my new little home.

Victory Home!!!!  YES! That is exactly what I anticipated would occur during my stay, Victory over this grief.....I was overwhelmed with hope as I entered the front door.
I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting when I walked in.  Maybe I thought a few people would be out in the living room, kitchen area maybe.  There wasn't a single person around, and I sure didn't know if anyone was even home.  The house was quiet, and when I say I love quiet, this wasn't a peaceful type of quiet......no, more like an uncomfortable type of quiet.  "Maybe they have all been turned into 'Stepford Wives' and their robotic selves are busy doing housework, or recharging their batteries".....
No, I didn't really think those thoughts, but it sounds good doesn't it?  hehe...
The house was waaaaay too quiet for my comfort.  All the same, I needed to unpack and settle into my new home.
There's no easy way to describe the experience of those first moments when I entered my bedroom....I simply turned the knob (not thinking my roommate was even home as the lights were out), reached in to turn the light on, and "SWOOSH!!!!!!!" It was as if propane combustion had built up inside my assigned bedroom.........someone must have sat, waiting, and anticipating my entrance and as soon as the door opens, BOOM!  "Is this some sort of joke?," I slightly ponder this fleeting thought. ...

Not even exaggerating!!!  Every ounce of excitement, peace, calm, a focused mindset...it ALL went up in smoke upon entering that steamy, brutally hot, sauna like bedroom.
There had to be some sort of mistake.  Why in the world would a treatment center that is providing help to folks battling anxiety, depression, PTS, etc. etc, place a brand new, just arriving client in the number one environment that was specifically mentioned was opposite to what would provide quality rest for a successful and focused treatment plan?
I quickly began scoping the room for the crazy lady who needed a SPACE HEATER when it was almost 60 degrees outside??  There, to the right of my viewing my eyes caught my extremely large and over stuffed, packed for an entire months stay, red and black, Samsonite suitcase.  Yep, this was my assigned room, and as sweat began forming above my brow, the heat began rising within me as well.....
"OH MY GOSH!!!! Tell me this is not happening?!" 
Right about three seconds into overwhelming thoughts of the idiots who would even mess with a menopausal woman when I specifically requested a certain type of room to fill a NEED, far more than a want....night sweats are very real.....just like the sweat that was now dripping down my utterly dismayed self.
That's when I glanced down by my feet and noticed the space heater that just happened to be a toes length away from my left foot, and within "kicking access" for the nasty sweltering heat coming from every angle of it's small rectangular creation.  Visions of an oval football slightly replaced the overwhelmed sensation I was battling.  After all, I am the new gal, and I didn't want to expose my ugly side before I had a chance to pick up at least one helpful, 'calm me down,' skill.  
As I fought back my temptation to break the little sweltering machine that was causing sweat to now drip off my face, OUT pops a tiny blonde haired sleepy gal from under the covers of the twin bed that set parallel to my assigned bed, as was merely feet from one another.  The girl was wearing a thick black hoodie, and appeared as though she was not ready to protrude from her little cocoon with which she was hibernating in.  A semi-sweet "hello" escaped her squinted eyes that weren't quite ready to open from the bright light in the room.  
I quickly apologized as she began to leave the room so I could unpack, and immediately responded how that wouldn't be necessary, "I won't be unpacking" was my automatic reply.  The poor girl looked stunned by my 'matter of fact' comment.

AND SO IT BEGINS!!!!  The effects of taking something like this, so personal.....as if I somehow overlooked emphasis on communicating this to my intake person, and here I was, placed in complete POLAR Opposite environment to my request.  Searching for a phone number to call from the house phone they provide, to discuss this 'mindless' problem with administration.  However, not one single number was provided on or around the phone, and the rule book stated that $150.00 fine would be administered to anyone who did not sleep in their assigned bed.  That was NOT happening!!!  I would Gladly utilize the $150 and stay in an air conditioned hotel where I was in charge of the thermostat ....Hotel bound is exactly where I was heading....So I packed up an overnight bag, and walked the few blocks to the hotel I had stayed in, prior to arriving at treatment.  


For over the past year, prior to seeking treatment for my PTS, I've truly held in lots of heavy emotions that most likely would not have led me to this point had I fought back when our family was being attacked.  Sure, it would have reared it's ugly head eventually, but I was feeling pretty fragile on this very first day of treatment and did not want to create any attention drawing 'waves.'  
So, I focused on the only "solution" I could muster in my mind after a seriously stressful introduction to the gal who 'would've' been my roommate, and headed down to a nice cool hotel room.

WARNING to those who are tempted to minimize the sad reality of my sweaty truth: Everyone battles with a "non negotiable" in their individual life, and being hot and sweaty can pose a purpose at times ;) but NOT when I'm trying to sleep at night.  Studies prove that the cooler it is, the better one sleeps.  
without a good night sleep, there sure was not a need to seek help , and I was very specific in communicating this "need."     But You'll all have to wait to hear how it turned out from here.  

~Next Week~ 

Thank you to the lovely messages from the past three posts.   I realize I have not responded, but I did read them all.  I'm working hard to stay off of facebook and my cell phone, but I was moved by the outpouring of love I've received, and thank you for reading.